Words I Wish I Would Have Said
by Sweet'N'Pinky
Summary: When Sonic visits Amy's grave, he'll tell Amy everything that he wanted to say to her before she died.


**Hi guys! Pinky here! New story! Whoop whoop! This one took me quite a while to write, but I'm happy I finished it! Please review and thanks a bunch! Luffles you guys! **

**~ Pinky**

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The autumn breeze whipped against him as he trudged on. His quills blowing in the chilly air as the orange and red leaves slowly fell around him, framing the scene. He felt the already-fallen leaves crunch under his feet as he took in another painful breath. The air was crisp and distinct; he knew this time of year all too well. The atmosphere was bittersweet. He had grown accustomed to the chilly air, the golden colors surrounding him.

He trudged forward, past the old, rickety gate. It squeaked and groaned in response as it opened, but it went unheard. He had been here so many times. Everything was always the same when he came. Sometimes he wished that it would change. Give him some closure, maybe. Show him that life moved on even after tragic happenings come along and slap you in the face. It had been exactly a year today since the event and he still hadn't completely moved on. How could he?

He finally made it to his destination. Clutching the parcel in his shivering, gloved hands he placed it down on the ground. The gray gravestone bore into him; when his bright eyes met the dull coloring of it, his heart began to hurt again and his stomach dropped. It shouldn't have been gray. She was such a bright and cheerful person... it deserved to be pink. A bright, neon, cheerful pink. But, then again, looking at anything that was shaded pink hurt too much. He wasn't sure if he would be able to deal with it. The color would remind him of all the memories that they had shared..

His stiff hands pushed away the stray tree droppings and dead leaves. The crinkly discolored leaves blew away in the brisk fall breeze and his teary eyes fell back on the grave. Her name was engraved on the stone, staring him in the face. Taunting him maybe. All he had left of her was a name and thousand memories that killed him to think about. He remembered so much about her; her eye color was a bright, lively emerald-green. It was distinct. He had never met anyone else with an eye color so radiant, so beautiful. The dress that she wore everyday, religiously, with a matching cherry-red headband to match to hold back her petal-pink quills. Golden ring-bracelets around her thin, slender wrists. Her long eyelashes and cheerful eyes batting him.

He felt his eyes sting at the thought of her crying. Tears had always congregated on her eyelashes before she had willed herself to allow them to fall down her peachy muzzle, her rosy cheeks puffed out. She had always puffed out her cheeks when she was upset; it was silly to him. She had a slim, soft face and puffing out her cheeks made her look childish. Regardless, she always had a childish innocence about her. She was a lively person, an energetic girl... it was bittersweet for her to be deceased before any of them.

Nobody guessed that she would be the first of them to die. And she was so young, too... it wasn't fair for a 15 year old girl to die, especially since it was her. Especially since he was the hero and he had lost his heroine. She had always disliked being called a damsel; she didn't live feeling helpless. She was a powerful girl... well, they thought she was. She wasn't so powerful anymore.

He fell to his knees, the fading grass tickling his bare knees. His fingers surrounded a pile of leaves that he had pushed aside and he grasped them tightly and threw them away. His quickly-dulling eyes fell back on the grave as he spoke up. "Hey, Ames. I came, just like I said I would." He trembled slightly, his voice quivering as he spoke.

He received silence as his reply. Another gust of wind brushed by him and kicked up leaves that rested on the dull ground. He continued. "I wanted to wish ya a happy birthday. Your finally sixteen." He felt his body stiffened considerably. She never reached her sweet sixteen.

"I wouldn't miss it for the world." He added. His hands parted from the ground momentarily to brush away a small smudge from the gravestone. He wouldn't tolerate anything messing up her burial site. He had failed to protect her before, but this time he would protect her with a newfound passion. Nobody was going to mess up this area. He'd make sure of it. This was where she was.

"I miss you." He admitted. When she had been alive he would have never admitted that to her face... or to anyone, really. Tails had always had a hunch that he liked her more then he let on. Nowadays he was ashamed. He deeply wished that he could go back and redo it all. He'd let her catch up, let her latch onto him and look at him with those big green eyes that he missed so much. He'd let her giggle and gush over him and he'd kiss her deeply, holding her in his arms. He remembered the way her body curved into his. Now that she was gone- now that he'd never feel her again- he desperately wanted to. He wanted to rest his hands on her waist and pull her close to him. He wanted to breathe in her scent, to hear her sweet laughter, her beautiful voice, to see her emerald green eyes sparkle again.

He took in a deep breath. He never thought it would be possible to miss anybody- or thing, for that matter- this much. It was criminal. It was painful. It made him feel like crap for knowing that he had let her slip through his fingertips. How could he have failed to protect her? It wasn't like she was a big, macho target. She was a small, cheerful girl with big dreams and a passionate drive to achieve them. She was a small, cheerful girl with a heart too big for her body. Too big for anybody's body really. He had never seen anybody so loving in his life, so generous and caring, and he knew that he never would again. He didn't want to. Nobody should steal Amy's place in his memory. He simply would not allow it.

He looked at her grave, his eyes clouding with tears as memories of her flooded into his mind. The way she would kiss his cheek tenderly, the way she would chase him around and how she cared for him. Always hugging and loving him. Making him feel wanted and special, making him feel loved.

"I don't let anybody hug me, ya know." He said suddenly, piercing the sereneness of the moment with his broken voice. "It wouldn't be right..my hugs are yours and only yours..." he trailed off, unable to finish his statement. He felt his throat burn and his eyes singed with salty tears.

"I'm sorry." He blurted. He shook his head harshly and stared at her grave. The red roses contrasted with the dull colors around them and he felt himself choke up. If his heart wasn't already broken it would have shattered at that very moment. She was really, really gone. It was like it was sinking in for a second time. She had never been kissed; he wondered if she had ever even been hugged back. He felt vile for avoiding her for so long. He just wanted to hear her say his name one more time... to look up at him with those adoring eyes and make him feel like he could do anything.

"Cream really misses ya." He informed absolutely no one, but in his heart he was talking to her. In his heart she was sitting in front of him, her big green eyes twinkling at him as he spoke, her soft, small hands cupped over his own boyish pair.

He continued with a trembling voice. "She hangs out a lot with Tails now. You'd love it. You'd preach about how cute they were and how they're meant to be and how we should set a good example for them and hold hands..." he sighed audibly. "I'd hold your hand, you know. I'd hold it any day."

The wind picked up again, whistling eerily in his twitching ears. He fidgeted a bit and pulled the scarf closer to himself. She had given it to him for Christmas a few years ago. Knitted it herself. How could he not wear it now? It was an obligation that he was completely willing to comply with. He wanted to wear it. It reminded him of her. It reminded him of how she worried about him and cared for him more then anyone else in the world ever did.

To be frank, the only reason that he still fought today was for her. He knew that she'd never be happy with him if he just gave up and became a lifeless shell of a boy. He knew that she'd want him to keep living, for her- for both of them. She would have wanted him to continue to stand for peace and freedom and to never let anyone tell him what to do because that was one of the things that she had loved most about him.

"If I could do it over, you know I'd treat you like the little princess that you are." He informed her. He held her imaginary hand and looked into her eyes that didn't exist. "And I'd keep ya alive, of course." he added bitterly.

He was still crying. He could tell. There was nothing that he would want more then to have her come back to life. She was all he had ever wanted and more.

I don't want to fall in love again, he thought. I don't want to move on.

"I don't think I could live with myself if I ever fell in love again." He admitted to the open air and falling leaves that surrounded him.

"I won't be happy with anyone else." He admitted. He wiped tears from his eyes. Men didn't cry. Men shouldn't cry. Men shouldn't let the girl that they had tried so desperately to protect and fail see them cry. He just couldn't help it. She drove too much emotion into him; too many feelings and thoughts and memories crashed into him at once and he just couldn't control himself. He should've shown some feeling towrds Amy, she gave him all her feelings, her heart and soul and he rejected it multiple times.

'Stupid, stupid, stupid!

Why was he so stupid?

By running away he had told himself that he was keeping her safe.

She was safe as long as she was kept at a distance. Nobody would suspect she was his weak point, that he loved her, needed her so desperately that he felt he would break if he didn't have her. But he knew he would never have her, that she was gone from his life. Her smile, cheerfulness, everything about her was gone.

He felt his head smash into his hands at the searing realization. He felt like his heart was being brutally ripped from his chest. He felt like every organ he possessed was being displayed from the inside out for the world to see. He knew that he'd never be able to see her again. He felt alone.

He felt the stubborn tears streak down his face. He felt alone. The warmth that had filled into him and made him feel real again had vanished as quickly as it came. His body felt heavy and cold. It was almost like he was lifeless... probably from having to go through this again.

"Damn it, Amy!" He shouted out to her grave, no one around to hear his pained cries except for the quiet rustling of the scattered leaves. "Why couldn't I have been fast enough? Why couldn't you still be around? Damn it!" He cursed several more times and felt warm tears stream down his cold face. It contrasted. His hand carved into a fist as he slammed it down on the ground several times. The roses shone out against the cold atmosphere more, illuminating the feelings that he wished that he could have told her about.

"Don't you know how much I need you?" He shouted out, again, to absolutely no one. He knew that talking to yourself was a sign of insanity but he didn't care. He was insane. He was lonely and bitter and insane. "Don't you know how much I love you?!" He barked out, barely, finally. He had said it.

There. Everything was out in the air now. Nothing was unsaid... just unheard.

Unheard by the one person who needed to hear it the most. It wasn't like he needed to hear it. He had known for a long time. She needed to hear it. He wished he could tell her everything he wanted to say, all the things he should have said.

The last few tears dropped to the ground and vanished.

He took in a couple of deep breaths to try and collect himself. He had to get back soon. As much as he wanted to stay by her grave he couldn't. People were going to get worried about him and come and see where he was and he couldn't let them worry about him. He knew that she'd never wanted that. He knew she wanted him to be happy.

With a sudden burst of bravery, he pulled himself up to his feet. He leaned over and pressed a kiss on her grave stone, near her engraved name. He tried to imagine her there instead but it just didn't work. The only time he had ever felt her being his cold was when she was dead... and he didn't want to think about that day any longer. He had run the situation through his mind several times and he had concluded that there was nothing he could do now and he should just let it go. "Happy birthday, Amy." He mumbled out. "I love you."

He yanked himself to his feet. His legs felt heavy, like stones. He willed himself to walk away from her, from all of the memories and thoughts and feelings that oozed out of this area and made his way back to the gate. It groaned loudly as he opened it, nearly breaking off of it's hinges. His next project would have to be to fix that.

He took one last look at the burial site. A dozen roses sat by her cleaned grave. To anyone passing by they'd be able to tell that who ever was buried there was deeply loved. A smile of some sort found it's way to his lips as he felt a familiar warmth enclose around his dangling gloved hand. An unexplainable feeling closed around his fingers as he turned and lead the invisible heat away from her grave.


End file.
